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Meet my Vagina, I am NOT Your Guru

Originally Posted on

August 25, 2016 by Summers Love Company

Dear Love Tribe,

Thank you so very much Social Media for keeping humor in our lives and juxtaposing the emotionally exhausting, empowering and encouraging with the hilarious. This past week I had two very interesting things happen and if you’re in the mood, I’ll share them with you.

First, while convalescing from having a weird tumor thing taken out of my nose, I sat down and forced myself to watch the new Tony Robbins documentary, I Am Not Your Guru (available on Netflix).

I have a very strange relationship with Tony Robbins. Not too long ago, I thought he was an annoying, loud, maniac who inspired the mindless to march along through fire walks while chanting “I am great!” When I first met my husband and we were just a few dates past our Tinder meeting in 2013, he talked about how his “friend” Tony was such an inspiration in his life. Still in the floaty and ethereal days of luvst I listened admiringly to him sharing stories about how he’d been inspired and empowered through his experiences at the Tony Robbins events, how he’d sat next to countless celebrities and seen everyone’s life change.

I was uncomfortable with the idea of paid life coaches at the time and couldn’t help but take issue with the fact that if he stopped paying Tony, he wouldn’t probably be his friend anymore. That’s not a friend, right? (Says the person who adores those folks on Facebook she’s never actually met).

So I challenged him. I suggested he stop paying for the opportunity to talk to Tony and see if he ever called again. I didn’t see how paying a coach could improve your life. Shouldn’t you have the moxie to do it yourself? I soon learned that Tony didn’t approve of our courtship and suggested I was not the right type of woman for my now husband. While I never learned precisely why, I filled in the blanks with my ego.

It must be because I am too bold, too strong.

That narcissistic, misogynistic, loud mouth jerk thinks that my husband couldn’t be strong enough to be married to an equally strong woman. I decided that Tony must just want sheep. I could not be a sheep and therefore was not approvable. The friendship stopped when the paying for the coaching stopped. I was vindicated.

Yet, somehow Tony kept creeping into my life. There was an interview on Tim Ferris’ podcast and an episode on OWN. There was a book a friend I worked with shared. I even participated in an interview with Mr. Tony Robbins on Huff Post Live and made damn sure he knew my now husband’s name. He wasn’t really all that bad. In fact, he was kind of interesting to talk to that day.

Then out of nowhere, like a random facebook message from an ex you never wanted to talk to again, the shit hit the fan in my marriage, and I do mean absolute shit. Like 6 months in, holy hell brimstone apocalypse. I, Summers McKay, the founder of Summers Freaking Love Company, was a totally unprepared heart broken love conquistador.

I had no idea what to do, except meditate. I am very good at meditating. However, me alone with my ohm wasn’t going to do much of anything. My husband and I needed some tools, some ground rules, some methodology to work through a truly apocalyptic experience and I decided that well, maybe we listen to that Tony Robbins relationship CD series that was somewhere in our friend’s attic.

And…. it kind of worked. We went on a road trip and forced ourselves to listen to Tony and Sage Robbins while we drove. We paused the CD’s every hour or so to talk about the issues it brought up and it kind of worked…… We were finding a mutual language. So this guy wasn’t a total sheep maker? Or wait…. were we becoming sheeple? The next six months of our lives were incredibly challenging, and whenever it got too intense, I would call for a Tony break. It got us through some really rough times. I felt a little sheepy, but it was helping, so I let it go.

OK, so that was probably enough back story to explain who was sitting on that sofa with ice packs and tape all over her face. I watched the movie and was absolutely blown away by what I saw. He was authentic, heartfelt, and lordy lordy if he didn’t have the same mission I have……

To spread love….

to spread love of self, love of others, and create joy in this world.

Wait….. so this guy who was bigger, louder, and occasionally more obnoxious than life was actually not all that different than me???

In fact, he was someone I looked up to. What? Whoa? Ok then…..He helped people break through their bullshit, their deeply held limiting beliefs and their masks and as I watched it, I was revisiting some of my own. My affirmations were becoming clearer, and my determination more resolute. #MindBlown – Like everyone else, I cried, I laughed, I cheered. As the swelling has come down from my face and my bruised nose, hurt ego and broken heart have begun to heal, I could not have found a better movie to watch. In fact, I watched it again the next day.

So part two – and this one is about my Vagina. There’s this hysterical Facebook game happening right now, furthered by her Royal Comedienne Margaret Cho, where you “Name your vagina after the last movie you saw”….. Yep, you guessed it kids – Summers the NOT Love Guru’s vagina is named……. I am NOT Your Guru.

This is so ridiculously apropriate… While I had been hammering away at understanding sexual intimacy and figuring out how to have insanely amazing and happy sex with my husband in our seemingly happy marriage, my poor vagina was totally NOT the answer. Don’t get me wrong, great sex is incredibly fun, but intimacy, love, kindness, and joy neither starts nor end in the vagina.



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