Right now my own faith in hope and optimism is being greatly tested. While I've had the opportunity to do amazing things this last year, it has been simply impossible to find a basic salary paying job. I had the phenomenal opportunity to teach at UCLA Anderson over the summer which gave me a lifeline for a little while, but since then - aside from the cash my friend pays me to drive him to the airport, I'm broke. I'm looking for a job - like a lot of people.
What's fascinating about this now is looking back at the trajectory of changes I've made, cutting back from a pretty rich life to one where I'm not entirely sure how I'm paying for gas. I kept thinking something would come together, the job, the salary, the benefits. If I could just hold out until they did, I'd survive.
- About 15 months ago I stopped getting regular mani/pedis ($60/ month saved)
- About a year ago I started blonding and trimming my own hair and gave up time with a fantastic sorta therapist hair artist Teresa Hill Olson ($250 - every six weeks saved)
- Six months ago I stopped wearing anything that needed to be dry cleaned (except my thesis presentation dress and my graduation dress, both which still have yet to be tended to). ($80/ month saved)
- Four months ago I cut back my cable bills ($60/ month saved)
- Three months ago I stopped seeing my weekly therapist who helped me through the trickiest time of my life. I figured since I was finally done with school I'd be OK without her help. ($80/month saved)
- And last week I had to make the most heart breaking decision to let a woman who has helped take care of me for seven years go. This one was particularly hard. Looking into Alicia's eyes and admitting that I was only able to pay her because I'd driven someone to the airport that day and just couldn't keep doing it was heart breaking. Kinda felt like the last domino to fall, because she was my friend and I had let her down. ($160/ month saved)
I won't go on in detail but the cats are eating dry food, I'm adoring brown rice and whatever, gym memberships, organizational memberships, events - everything is canceled until I can figure out how to either get a great inspiring job or heck, even a job doing almost anything. (Not enough saved)
So I've lost regular access to my entourage of support, my manicurist, my hair artist, my therapist, my housekeeper, my spin instructors and my fellow women in film. I still have great friends, but I hadn't realized how much I counted on them for support and well they also counted on me.
Despite the panicked calls to my two best friends,
For some reason, I feel like it will be OK.
I've seen the kids in Ethiopia wearing your ugly Christmas sweater
because it's all they have
and the farm workers in Vietnam in their seventies
who work 16 hour days
I've seen the poverty on my own streets
in Santa Monica
and I've witnessed the fear of living where there is not democracy, in China.
Well this morning I came across this Bob Marley quote which is particularly Caution Curves Ahead inspired and so I clicked around to find a song to help me get up, take on the seemingly hopeless task of job applying, pitch editing and networking. Trying again today to accomplish just a little something.