1) Dates were to be scheduled for one hour only.
2) I would tell at least three friends where I was and who I was going to meet - First AND Last name.
3) If alcohol was involved there would be one drink only.
4) Dinner - even if I was enjoying myself would be reserved for a second date,
5) and under no circumstances, and I mean NO circumstances was I going to kiss anyone I'd just met.
And all it took was blind date #2 and I broke every one of my rules.
When I recounted my date to a guy friend of mine, I was grinning like a teenage girl. He went to UCLA (so it was OK I didn't know his last name before we met). We went to a place I suggested (so it was safe). He wasn't super hot at first, definitely cute but after TWO hours, TWO glasses of wine, a walk around Westwood where he put his arm around me (because it was cold) and then a DINNER where he seemed to totally get me, I was not only ready to let him kiss me, but I was suddenly feeling all weak kneed and romantic. I even made a point to say, you'll have to wait to kiss me until the second date - and he changed my mind in about 100 yards. A day later after just one flirtatious and funny phone call, I was having all sorts of - 'wow, this guy's a catch' kind of thoughts!
How had I so easily disregarded my boundaries? How had I let a complete stranger get into my head so quickly? How was I pretty much ready to get physical with someone I barely knew???
Turns out there's a science to it and a bunch of guys, through the collective wisdom of crowds, have figured out how to turn a woman from no to yes in just a few swift moves and they call it The Game. It's a competitive society of Pick Up Artists and their skills are unbelievable. See we women are a very chemically driven bunch, our minds control our bodies and if you can get into a girl's mind - you pretty much guarantee VIP access to her body.
I devoured the book over the next 24 hours. Listening to it on Audio book on 3x was like hearing Mickey Mouse explain to me precisely how to screw with a woman's mind and it was freaky. Then I went online and starting looking at the PUA forums. Horrifying! It is a highly effective and in my opinion, destructive society with step-by-step instructions on how to establish the required sense of emotional proximity for a woman to shift her boundaries.
Now I cannot be 100% certain that The Game is what happened on my date last week. He never fessed up when I asked him, by text if it was... he also never denied it. Down to the stories he told, the cadence of the conversation, the quotes, the flirts, the negs - if he wasn't playing The Game intentionally, he could have written the book.
I'm a hugely passionate person, so for me to fall quickly isn't so strange. I'm actually pretty good myself at charming people and recommend everyone read Robert Green's The Art of Seduction to improve business negotiations and personal relationships. We need to all be aware of what makes other people click on and off. It's part of interacting as a society. And don't get me wrong, I do believe in love at first sight.
I am determined that every woman should read The Game, just so you know what you're up against. Moms share it with your daughters. Big sisters get it to your little sisters.
The Art of Seduction isn't a game, and when it's played like one - it's hurtful. My date was probably a really nice guy at heart. The optimist in me can't help but believe he didn't set out with manipulative intentions. Instead he's just someone who was a late-bloomer, spent a lot of time in school, and decided to get some strategic advice on girls. He was smart enough to be scary good at it. I probably would have liked him without The Game, but once I got all spun around, there was no going back and definitely no going forward.
Here's my advice guys. Take it slow, wait to try kiss her. Once you get her oxytocin flowing, you are responsible. Don't try to turn her no's into yes by using seduction skills too early AND don't play with her emotions just so you can win for the night. Real #WINNING isn't about what you get today, but instead what you get forever.
I went back to the rules for Dates 3, 4, and 5. (Except that Last name rule - I'm realizing I don't want all of em to be able to google me either). I refuse to think of men as the enemy. Instead, they are allies and I believe there is a great one out there. I'm absolutely not going to accept anything less.